Wishlist etiquette: how to ask without asking

Your Santa might be the person at the next desk. They might equally be someone from another floor who has spoken to you twice. Write the list for the second person. "The usual" means nothing to them. "Oat milk latte, no sugar, from the kiosk on the ground floor" is a gift they can buy on the morning of the party.

Three is the number. One item is a demand. Ten is homework for the Santa. Three gives them a choice and lets them feel they picked.

Make the three different in price. One well under the budget, one at the budget, and one slightly over that they can get on sale or ignore. A ₱500 budget might carry a ₱200 notebook, a ₱500 bottle of hot sauce and a ₱650 book. The Santa with a tight month picks the notebook and still gets to say they used the list.

A link to the exact item at a shop that delivers to you answers every question at once: what it is, what it costs, where to get it, and whether it will arrive in time. A description makes the Santa do that work and guess at the answers. If you are in a remote exchange, links are the difference between a gift and a hopeful parcel.

Add a note where the link is not enough. "Size M, any colour but orange" saves a return. "I already have the first one" saves a duplicate.

• Anything well over the budget with no cheaper option beside it. It reads as a hint, and it lands on the person least able to take it.
• Cash and gift cards as the only entry. Fine as one of three. Alone, it says you would rather not be in the exchange.
• Jokes that need a backstory. Your Santa might not have it.
• Things that reveal who you drew. “Something for my giftee’s dog” tells the room you drew the one person with a dog.

The best time to write the list is the minute after you join, while you are already on the page. The second best time is when the organiser reminds you. There is no third time; the Santa who sees an empty list on the deadline buys a candle, and the candle is on you.